|Season 3, Episode 4|
|Air date||July 9, 2012|
|Written by||Sean Cunningham, Marc Dworkin|
|Directed by||David Kendall|
"Two Kings and a Devil Baby"
"Wet Hot Kinkowan Summer"
Fatal Distraction is the fourth episode of Season 3.
When Boomer and Boz tarnish Mikayla's first chance of beating Mason for "Guard of the Year," they feel guilty and secretly set out to help her win the coveted award by putting themselves in danger. When their attempt fails, they try to distract Mason and give Mikayla an edge by setting him up with a pretty girl, who turns out to be his ex-girlfriend that wreaks havoc on Kinkow.
After having failed to saved the kings from fatal situations, Mikayla reveals that because of them, she will never win Guard of the Year and honor her family's name. Mason had saved the boys from drowning and thus earned enough points to put Mikayla into second. The kings feel sympathy for her and decide to put themselves in fatal situations to put Mikayla back into first place.
Boomer and Boz create a list of near fatal movie situations, starting off with the boulder from Indiana Jones. They ask Lanny to hurl the boulder at them from the Castle stairs, so that Mikayla will save them and earn enough points to win the award. Mason shows up instead. He saves them and earns even more points after Lanny launched the rock.
After two more attempts, the floating house with balloons and the dragon Boz failed to train, Boomer decides to distract Mason with a girl, getting him out of the way and giving Mikayla an opportunity to make up her lead. Lanny reveals that he knows a girl Mason used to be head-over-heels for, and give the kings a map to her tower.
At the tower, Boomer and Boz climb up the girl's hair, like in Rapunzel. The kings stumble upon Pitricia, a woman chained to a wall with long, flowing hair, including armpit hair, the very thing they had climbed up. Pitricia reveals that she had angered an evil ogre and was therefore locked up in the tower. The kings set her free, and take her back to The Castle to distract Mason.
Back at The Castle, Mikayla goes off to baby-proof the king's room and earn more points, leaving Mason alone in the room. The kings burst through the doors and introduce Pitricia. Mason reveals that he had never been in love with Pitricia, and she is a crazy fan-girl. Pitrica reveals the truth to the confused Boomer and Boz. Years ago, Pitricia had a mad and obsessive crush on Mason, and one day gathered enough courage to ask him out. Mason refused, claiming he didn't like her because she didn't have beautiful flowing hair like all the other girls. Pitricia threatened a Dirt Fairy, and got exactly what she wanted, plus more (the pit hair). After that, she destroyed the village and Mason locked her up in the tower so she wouldn't harm anyone else (which is how he won his 8th Guard of the Year award).
Pitricia kidnaps Mason, taking him back to her tower since he owed her a date. Being their practical selves, Boomer and Boz go to Mikayla for help, saying a crazy lady with armpit hair has taken her dad. Mikayla refuses to believe this, and leaves. The kings return to the tower, planning a sneak attack, which ultimately fails. They are captured by Pitricia.
In the tower, Pitricia and Mason are on their date, with Boomer as a waiter and Boz as a maestro, all the men tied up. All goes smoothly until she returns with 'dessert', machetes chained to her pit-hair. Mikayla swings in, saying that she now believes the kings, and duels Pitricia. Mason blows the candle out, and various sounds of the fight are heard.
When Mikayla lights the chandelier, the boys' clothes are torn and the room is trashed. Pitricia's pit hair is chopped off, but regrows almost immediently. The maddened woman is once again chained to the wall. They all escape back to The Castle, where Mikayla earns Guard of the Year for saving both the kings and her father.
Lanny: "I love it when an evil plot comes together."
Lanny: (in response to Boz asking to put them in danger) "I hope you have some ideas, because mine don't seem to have a very high success rate."
Mikayla: "Thanks to you guys, I can hold this trophy and say that the guard of the year is... Mikayla Huxtable?!"
Boz: "I am classically trained in the toe-bow."
Mason: "What kind of made-up name is that? She's a Makoola!"
Boomer: "It was your fault for dressing us up and making us feel invincible!"
Pitricia: "Mason? If we're going to get married someday, I think it's time we went on a date!"
Mason: "Uh... look, babe, you're nice and all, it's just that you're not my type."
Pitricia: "Is it because I don't have long, flowing hair like THEM?!"
Mason: "Uh... yeah! it's the hair, and not because you're the mayor of Wack-a-doodle Junction."
- The title is a parody of the 1987 movie, Fatal Attraction .
- Boz suggests Mikayla change her name to Huxtable, which is the last name of the family in The Cosby Show.
- Brady is indirectly mentions in the beginning of the episode.